Have you been wondering how to save your relationship? Sometimes one of the hardest decisions to make is whether to end a relationship and how do we know when it is truly over. Many couples wonder if it is too late to save the relationship. It can be one of the most helpless feelings in the world to be watching something you have invested so much of your time and emotion into begin to unravel right before your eyes. Here are 5 things you can do to try to save your relationship.
- Become selfless. This is probably the hardest one for most people. Yet in the beginning of the relationship this is most likely something you naturally did with very little thought behind it. When everything is fresh and new and we are in the initial stages of love we want the other person’s life to be easier. We put their needs above our own. We put great effort into getting them to smile. We study them and learn what they like and don’t like. As time passes stress and past hurts can accumulate over time and slowly shut down the very thing that built the bond that you see falling apart before your eyes. Now you may have thoughts like “well they don’t do anything for me so I’m not doing anything for them!” Somebody has to go first to break the cycle. In order for it to be effective you have to give up all expectations of receiving a “thank you” or anything in return. A true gift is given with no expectation of anything in return and has pure motives of selflessness.
- Ask your partner if they are open to trying to saving the relationship. It’s not easy but you may be able to re-kindle the love you once had, learn practical conflict resolution skills, discover effective communication, learn about different methods to saving your relationship if you are both willing to try. Taking a marriage course together can be one of the best possible things you can do to save your marriage. You will learn about personality types, see how gender differences affect the relationship, gain an understanding of how your partner views romance, discover effective parenting tools, and re-learn how to love each other! Check out “Magical Marriage in 21 Days” at www.magicalmarriagein21days.com the whole course is only 25.00 and is much cheaper than divorce court.
- Ask yourself “Would I want to come home to me?” Pretend you don’t know yourself and give an honest assessment. Notice how you speak, notice your habits, notice if you are selfish or selfless, notice if you are fun to be around, and take an honest look in the mirror. If you were your partner, would you be excited to come home? If you realize you have work to do, don’t be discouraged! We all have work to do to become the best version of ourselves. Write out what steps you can take to start becoming someone you are proud of and then only focus on what you can do today. For example, if you are depressed today you can call and schedule and appointment with a doctor. If you are overweight today you can go for a walk and choose not to eat after 7. Don’t look at the mountain only focus on what you can do today to work on becoming your best self!
- Forgive. Have your ever heard the saying “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison…and hoping the other person will die.” Listen to your thoughts. Are they bitter? Do you replay the past and hold it over your partner’s head? We tend to have great memories when it comes to remembering the ways people have wronged us. Sometimes we have to tell our brain to shut up! When we remind our partner of the all they have done in the past it makes them feel powerless. They can’t go back in time. You have to make a choice to let the past go. It does not excuse what they did that hurt you. It is a choice we make to declare “For my own sanity, I am choosing to let the let the past go so I can enjoy my present and future!”
- Look for the good. It’s there. Sometimes it is just buried really, really deep and you have to take on the role of an excavator. You saw the good in your partner before. Today you have make a choice to take off the dark goggles that blind you to the good in your partner and purposely look for the good. You want your partner to look for your good so returning the favor can help save your relationship!
If you have experience domestic violence this article is not for you. Domestic violence is a crime and leads to jail time and domestic violence classes. See www.onlinedomesticviolenceclasses.com for more information about domestic violence.