What does a healthy relationship look like?

1. It is peaceful. If there are more tears than laughter in your relationship–run! Honestly ask yourself “was I happier before I got in this relationship?” If you were, then this is not a healthy relationship. Some people are just not a good match and tend to bring out the worst in each other. You deserve to be happy and so does your partner. If there are screaming matches that is not a healthy relationship.

2. There is consistency. You should not feel like you are riding an emotional roller coaster in your relationship. Realistically there are going to be ups and downs in every relationship, but when the highs are super high and the lows are super low that is exhausting. Your relationship should not feel stressful. Having a life partner should make your life better not exhausting.

3. There is laughter. One of the best predictors of a whether a relationship will last is if the couple is not just lovers but they are also friends. It’s important to purposely build fun into your relationship. Watch funny videos together. Go do activities together that build memories and make you both laugh out loud.4. You feel physically and emotionally safe. Domestic violence is a crime. You can not touch anyone else’s body to inflict harm. For more information visit www.thehotline.org or  www.onlinedomesticviolenceclasses.com

5. Discussions are respectful. You each have different brains. You process information completely different. It’s important that each person’s thoughts and opinions are respected and valued. Discussions should be a dialogue meaning each partner offers input and is part of the decision making process.

6. There is stability. If you find your self continually taking an inventory of the temperature of your relationship you are most likely not in a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships have stability and allow you to relax. If each disagreement results in threats of ending the relationship it’s very difficult to relax and enjoy the relationship.

7. Each partner has friends. New love is exciting! But the reality is no one person can fulfill all of your needs. It’s important for each partner to have other people in their lives that they can vent to and spend time with. Spending every moment together can tend to make the other person feel smothered and detached from their life.

8. Each partner has the other person’s best interest at heart. We all have basic human needs and can be selfish at times. But each partner thinks about and has their partner’s best interest at heart.

Love                                   _     l     ____                          Addiction

Peaceful                                        Contentious/frequent intense arguments

Consistent                                          Intense off and on feelings

Joyful/lots of laughter               Very aware of whether partner is

currently “mad” at each other

Trust and feels safe                    Lots of apologizing necessary

Discussions are respectful         Disagreements are heated and intense

Stable                                                          Frequent breakups

Each partner has friends             Isolated/obsessed, intense jealousy

Has their partner’s best               Focus is on “what do I get from this

Interest at heart                                 relationship?”